UnderCover Waitress: April 2012

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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Nutella Class Action Lawsuit

The makers of Nutella have agreed to pay out three million to settle a class-action lawsuit. They marketed the spread as a healthy breakfast for children via television ads. This claim amounts to false advertising.

The ingredients of Nutella, in order:
* Sugar
* Palm Oil
* Hazelnuts
* Cocoa
* Skim milk
* Reduced minerals whey (milk)
* Lecithin as emulsifier (soy)
* Vanillin: an artificial flavor.

Ingredients must be listed in order of amount; the ingredient in the greatest amount is listed first, the least, last. That means that there is more sugar in Nutella than anything else.

In general, a product is made up of the first three ingredients, with the following ingredients in much lesser amounts. So, Nutella is mostly sugar, palm oil, and hazelnuts. When asked about palm oils, Dr. Andrew Weil indicates that eating palm oil is acceptable.  (Cottonseed oil is an example of an oil that you should never eat.)

Many Americans are in the extremely bad habit of feeding their children sugar and processed flours for breakfast in the form of breakfast cereals. Sugar is not a breakfast food; however, it is the first ingredient in Nutella. Parents looking for alternatives that were relatively quick and easy were told that Nutella was healthy. Nutella is not a healthy breakfast food; on the contrary, Nutella is a dessert or a treat. You wouldn't eat a Snickers bar for breakfast, would you?

Here is what it says on the Nutella Consumer Class Action Settlements Website:

IF YOU PURCHASED NUTELLA IN CALIFORNIA BETWEEN AUGUST 1, 2009 AND JANUARY 23, 2012, OR IN ANY OTHER STATE BETWEEN JANUARY 1, 2008 AND FEBRUARY 3, 2012, YOU MAY BE ELIGIBLE TO RECEIVE A PAYMENT FROM A PROPOSED CLASS ACTION SETTLEMENT.

Follow the link above to make your claim if you have one. People may receive $4 per jar of Nutella purchased during the time period mentioned above, and up to $20 per household.

I know that some people will respond to this by thinking that the lawsuit is based upon stupidity; and I agree that thinking that Nutella is health food is a bit thick. Health food isn't made up of sugar and oil. However, I think the lawsuit is a good thing. If we don't enforce laws regarding advertising claims then marketing chimps (as fellow blogger William Kendall likes to call them) will say anything to make a sale. And that is dangerous. 

Friday, April 27, 2012

Lunchtime at Hooters: Sexual Harassment?

Ask the Waitress! This question came my way via a comment


Serious question. If my boss brought me to Hooters is that a form of sexual harassment?


That is an excellent question, a potential can of legal worms, and gave me pause. The question does not give details, so let's consider a few different scenarios. 


The first thing that comes to mind is that, unfortunately, the first thing the complaining employee might be asked is, "Did you object to the lunch location?" I say 'unfortunately' because we place the onus of responsibility on the victim, not the perpetrator. 


On the one hand, if she didn't object, the employer may not have realized she was uncomfortable. On the other hand, WTF is wrong with a man who assumes that a woman will be happy and comfortable at Hooters? A reasonable person can see the problem here. And people who argue that some women eat at Hooters are not unaware of the fact that many women are uncomfortable with Hooters, and they also understand why. 


There are plenty of reasons why a female employee might be uncomfortable voicing her objection to the lunch locale. First, she will be labeled "the complainer." Then, she stops receiving invitations to business lunches during which important networking takes place. 


Perhaps the most important question here is, "Was the plaintiff subjected to unlawful discrimination in the workplace?" If the business lunch was required, then perhaps the answer is, "yes." If the business lunch was optional but held at a place that would make female employees uncomfortable, well, perhaps more questions should be asked. 


If this was an isolated incident, it might be as simple as suggesting a different lunch locale next time. But I doubt it's that simple. 


If this type of attitude toward women or behavior is part of the pervasive work environment, the claim may have a better chance. In other words, if the employer says or does other things that signify his opinion of women as lesser beings, then a case may be made using all of the evidence, including lunch at Hooters. 


One of my "legal eagle" colleagues felt that if the lunch were held at a strip club, not Hooters, there would be a better chance of a claim. This statement made me think that the veracity of the claim may rely too much on the personal attitudes that individuals have towards Hooters.


Hooters attempts to have its cake and eat it, too. In order to avoid having to hire male waiters, they claim the Bona Fide Occupational Qualification, or "BOFAQ." When they bill themselves as adult entertainment, they can use the BOFAQ defense when sued by men who want to work waiting tables. 


However, Hooters also attempts to bill itself as a family restaurant. If a boss takes his employees to lunch at Applebee's or Chili's, the female employees would not have an automatic sexual harassment complaint. Whether or not they have a sexual harassment complaint after being taken to Hooters may be an open question. It would be decided on both the specifics of the case and, I fear, the attitudes of the judge, jury, etc. toward Hooters. 


Last, if the employee were to speak to a lawyer about the situation and the lawyer pretended not to understand why Hooters is a sexually hostile environment, the employee should speak to a different lawyer. Also, it couldn't hurt to file a claim with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission ("EEOC") and see what happens. 


I think if more people stand up to Hooters and other breastaurants we may see change. Some people voice their approval by eating or working in breastaurants. Other people simply turn away, don't eat there, but don't say anything. Quiet and apathy don't create change: speaking up does. 


Best of luck to the person who asked this question.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Blue Meanie With Allergies

Yup, still bringing back oldies but goodies until my semester is over. Gearing up for a test next week that is worth 30% of my grade, but hey, no pressure!

The following post became quite popular, but as far as I could tell, people were interested in the graphic more than the story. You know how some people say that if you are nervous about public speaking, imagine the audience in their underwear? Well, this blue haired screamer is how I imagine belligerent customers.


Customer Food Allergies

Looking at keywords that bring you, my wonderful readers, to this site, 
I saw, "customer allergy to the food but he never."

AIGH! I'm ALLERGIC to that!!!
Yup, they sure have a hissy-fit when you serve them X 
and they are allergic to X. That is because they will die 
if they eat X. So why on Earth don't they bother to tell us? 
If I were going to die, be certain I will tell you so you 
don't inadvertently kill me. (Who knows, maybe they 
just want to file a lawsuit?)

Had a woman order a chocolate dessert. When served, 
it has a little raspberry and caramel sauce on the plate. 
She threw a fit because she is allergic to raspberries, 
a fact she had withheld.

Now, she was mad because the description either didn't 
mention or mentioned in small print the raspberry sauce. However, what it does mention 
on the menu is that it is impossible for the restaurant to print every single ingredient 
of every dish, so please mention any food allergies to your server.

Remember, this is a small, chef-owned restaurant in which everything is made to order. 
Perhaps if you are used to dining in places that defrost food to order, you can expect 
things to never change.

Of course, we re-made her dessert without the raspberry sauce. 
I asked her if she was allergic to anything else; she gave me a dirty look. 
Yeah, I didn't like her either.




Under Cover Waitress: Customer Food Allergies

Monday, April 23, 2012

Regurgitation

School is winding up for the semester and I am extremely busy getting projects finished. Therefore, I am regurgitating resuscitating bringing back an old post from the very beginning. The moral of the story is that waitresses know when you are lying to them. Really.

Under Cover Waitress: Food Allergies and Restaurants


Food Allergies and Restaurants

Somewhere, in some "foodie" magazine, some writer must have been on deadline.
Writing to the entitled yuppie masses, he advised people who don't especially like
certain foods or ingredients to bold-face lie to their waitress and claim to have a
food allergy. While customers who lie are responsible for their behavior,
this writer owes the entire restaurant industry an apology.

Food Allergies are Serious

Real food allergies kill people, and some food allergies are not common.
For example, am acquainted with a woman who is allergic to strawberries.
She was served cake with "raspberry" filling in a restaurant and was rushed
to the emergency room. (This was years ago and I am happy to report she is fine.)
Nut and peanut allergies are so severe many schools now have "nut free zones"
in the cafeteria.

When restaurant customers claim to have a food allergy, the kitchen must be alerted.
They must either clean and clear a safe area, or alert the customer about possible
contamination in the food preparation area.

Bad Customer Behavior in Restaurants

There are many reasons customers should not lie to waitresses:

  • It is morally reprehensible.
  • It causes a massive inconvenience to the kitchen.
  • A good restaurant will accommodate food preferences, within reason.
  • Waitresses know when they are being lied to. Really. Be embarrassed. 
Some of my favorite memories of liars: 

* Carrot allergy: does not want carrots on her plate or in her salad. Ordered lentil soup. 
Soup is full of carrots. Response: oh, but its okay 'cuz they are small and cut up. 

* Shellfish allergy: decided to eat shellfish. 

* Me: are you allergic? Woman: Uh....okay, yes? Me: Don't lie to me. 
Woman: No, I'm not allergic. 
Good Customer Service

If a dish can be prepared without the olives that you detest but are not allergic to,
any good restaurant will accommodate your request. If they can't because it was
made ahead of time, order something else. If they won't because the chef is in a
mood today, eat somewhere else. A good restaurant will be happy to accommodate
your preferences. 

Real Food Allergies

To those of you with real food allergies, please, please, PLEASE tell your server that
upfront. It is not possible for restaurants, especially good ones that make your meal to
order, to list every single solitary ingredient every time. 

Served dessert to a woman who was incensed that there was raspberry sauce on her plate.
She never mentioned a raspberry allergy. When I asked her if she was allergic to anything
else, she gave me a dirty look. 

Bottom line: your server may not like you but she does not want to kill you.
Tell her your allergies and avoid anaphylactic shock. 

And whatever you do, do not lie to your server. 

Friday, April 20, 2012

Waiter Spits in Ice Tea

Leaving you with some rather disgusting thoughts for the weekend. This was brought to my attention on LiveJournal, and as I have written before about how unprofessional and illegal it is to defile a person's food with bodily fluids, unfortunately it does happen.

A McDonald's employee was caught on video and arrested for spitting in two cups of iced tea. The customers returned them because they weren't sweet enough; he spat in them before giving them back. I don't know if the customers drank the tea or not, but the article does say that they removed the lids and saw phlegm.

As this missive points out, the problem may be fast food. There are numerous problems with fast food, stuff going bad on the shelves is the least of it. The Consumerist reports that KFC fired employees for refusing to serve chicken that had turned rotten and green. Profits before people!

The moral of the story at this point is to avoid fast food at all costs. Eat in small restaurants that take pride in what they do, not large corporate chains. And make sure your immune system is in full working order or stay home. 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Oklahoma City Bombing

Today is the anniversary of the Oklahoma City Bombing. 



According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, "it was the worst act of homegrown terrorism in the nation's history." Nineteen of the one hundred and sixty eight people murdered were children. Hundreds more were injured. Timothy McVeigh, the main perpetrator, had managed, perhaps deliberately, to detonate the bomb right under the day care center in the building, ensuring that the youngest lives would be lost.

Many assumed that the perpetrators were Middle Eastern terrorists. McVeigh was an American, an ex-Army officer, and a white male. He believed in right-wing politics and was a pro-Aryan racist. He sympathized with the Branch Davidian cult in Waco, Texas. He travelled to Waco during the siege to protest the government's oppression of the cult.

Ann Coulter has made clear that she wishes that McVeigh had bombed the New York Times Building with all of the editors and reporters inside it:


John Hawkins: You've caught a lot of heat for a couple of quotes you made... IYou also said in an interview with the New York Observer, "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." Do you stand by those quotes or do you think that perhaps you should have phrased them differently?


Ann Coulter:... RE: McVeigh quote. Of course I regret it. I should have added, "after everyone had left the building except the editors and reporters."

The hate that the right wing spews, and the threat they pose to the lives of others, continues. However, we do not honor the memories of the victims by continually and systematically removing the civil rights and liberties of the living.

The Supreme Court ruled earlier this year in a 5 to 4 vote that people may be subjected to strip searches for any violation, including being pulled over for speeding. In defense of this massive disregard for the Fourth Amendment, Justice Kennedy was quoted by the New York Times:


Justice Kennedy responded that “people detained for minor offenses can turn out to be the most devious and dangerous criminals.” He noted that Timothy McVeigh, later put to death for his role in the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing, was first arrested for driving without a license plate. “One of the terrorists involved in the Sept. 11 attacks was stopped and ticketed for speeding just two days before hijacking Flight 93,” Justice Kennedy added.


It it true that as McVeigh fled the scene of his crime, Officer Charles Hanger pulled McVeigh over and arrested him for driving without a license and carrying a concealed weapon. I challenge anyone to tell me how examining McVeigh naked and making him pull his cheeks apart so the police could look in his anus would have given a quicker indication that he had just set off a bomb. He was pulled over for good reason, the state caught him for his crimes without violating anything in the Constitution or its amendments, and McVeigh was executed in 2001 for his heinous act.

I truly wish those who would strip of us of all of our civil liberties would stop using the ghosts of crime victims to scare the rest of us. It is dishonest, irrational, and extremely disrespectful to both the dead and their surviving loved ones.

Oklahoma City Bombing victims, Rest in Peace.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Yom Ha'Shoah


Holocaust Remembrance Day falls this year on April 18.

Two poems for you to think about today. Please remember your blessings, and do not forget to care for the needs of others.


6893
She didn’t cry
When they removed
her clothes, her ring
her shoes, her hair.
But when they took away
her name
She wept

          ~ Anna Sotto


First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.

Martin Niemöller

Monday, April 16, 2012

Happy Tax Day

Just a quick post today. Taxes are currently wringing the middle and poorer classes dry. This is because the responsibility of funding social supports is being placed solely on their shoulders, while the rich pay a lower percentage of their income than the middle class.

Some people say that when the Mitt Romneys of the country choose to donate to charities, that makes up for it.
No.
It.
Does.
Not.

Money needs to be given to the state to fund social services that benefit each and every citizen or would-be citizen in this country. It is not up to the very rich to decide which church-sponsored charities are worth their money, and which are not. Secular humanists, gays, Jews, women, and everybody else have the same rights as those who call themselves Christians.

Say goodbye to Planned Parenthood, Roads, Libraries, Public Education, Student Loans, Affordable Health Care and Dentist Care, Public Transportation, Housing...




Pay taxes today and vote for a progressive tomorrow in November.

Obama 2012.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Feminism

Just a quick post for Friday about Feminism. I get slammed a lot for being a feminist, which for some strange reason some people think is a bad thing...?

Tears came to my eyes as I was browsing "Who Needs Feminism?" on FaceBook while waking up with my morning coffee today. Everybody featured on the site had something insightful to say, but I started crying at the number of men who participated and had their photograph taken while making a statement about the need for feminism. Because sisters, girlfriends, wives and daughters are people.

While from a different source, I leave you all with this quote from Being Liberal:


Have a great weekend, everyone. And if you are on the floor, don't work too hard, but make lots of tips. :)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

One Hundred Thousand Page Views

On Tuesday, April 10, 2012, Under Cover Waitress hit one hundred thousand page views. Save for one lone post in April of 2010, this blog really got started in January of 2011.

I can not tell you how, well, surprised I am that so many people keep coming back to see what I have to say. (Don't you have anything better to do -- just kidding!)

Seriously, thank you for reading. To those who share their thoughts and opinions, thank you. To those who prefer to remain quiet, I hope you will choose to join the debate. I don't bite, really, I just nibble a little... ;-D

Best to all. 

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Jury Duty: Subpenises and Other Goods Inside

Today I am thrilled to feature a guest post by Musings on Tap: Subpenises and Other Goods Inside.

Of course, I can not publish without mentioning the importance of jury duty. What remains of our legal system would crumble completely if good citizens did not do their duty and let criminals like O.J. Simpson go free.

That being said, if you work at a low-wage job with no benefits (waitress, anyone?) then you can not afford to take the time away from work...

***
Jury duty blows. Hard. Yes, that is a sentence. The remaining elements of the English sentence structure are understood. De was recently summoned for jury duty and after an eternity and a fortnight, De was filtered out, thereby relieving him of his civil duty. To relieve yourself of your civil duty, DeMi commands you to obey the following:

Bring own gavel, you know what to do

Talk like batman, costume optional, don't wear hockey pants

Shout "GUILTY!" at your leisure.

Ask with quiet anticipation if you are early for the executions

Answer judge's question with "Judge not, that ye be not judged.
 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again"

I like this biblical trend. if the former words of wisdom don't get you declared "incompetent to serve" try the classic "The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

"Ey um judge, can I have yo numba? Can I have it?"

Finish the judge's sentences......this shouldn't be hard, the dudes clearly.. GUILTY! (see above).

Say you do not have a criminal record but that you absolutely should.

Tell them you have served as a volunteer judge on many occasion (state fair, science fair, wet t-shirt contests) and as a judge you know what it feels like to have people's emotions on the line.

When the appropriate time to speak is upon you, ask the court if there is anyone who has not accepted our Lord Jesus as their personal savior, and if permitted, attempt to lead the room in prayer.

Wear headgear.

Talk like the movie preview voice-over guy

You don't know who your father is and the accused fits the description.

Tell them there's a chance you're Canadian.

Complain about the incessant ringing noise in the background.
Wear a "God WestBoro Baptist Church" t-shirt.

Ask, "How would one perform a heinous crime?"

Flip through some hardcore porn whilst in the courtroom.

Inquire as to the Wi-Fi passcode for the building, and express the desire to tweet your courtroom experience.

Pronounce subpoenas, "subpenis" whenever possible.

Claim to be associated with the accused in ridiculous ways: :Your honor, my H&R Block rep has a son who went to the same school as Barbara Streisand's illegitimate son, whom I love dearly. Wait! I love Barbara Streisand. Just to be clear to the court, I do not love the little bastard, I love Barbara. Barbara Streisand.


You are welcome...........No no thank you.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Twelve Thousand Dollar Tip

Stacy Knutson, a waitress at the Fryn' Pan in Minnesota, is making headlines at the moment. During a late night shift, a customer left a to go container from a competitor on the table as she left. Knutson, giving good service, followed her to return the container, but the customer told her she could keep it.

Not being one to want to pick through a stranger's leftovers, I may have made the mistake, if I were in Knutson's position, of throwing the container away. It's a good thing that curiosity got the better of Knutson; the container held $12,000 in cash.

Knutson called the local police who were quoted as saying that a human could smell the marijuana on the money. They did get a police dog to do a sniff test and confirm that this was drug money.

Then the red tape began. Knutson waited the obligatory ninety days before expecting the money to be returned to her. The police suggested that she and her lawyer file a lawsuit so that the judge could release money that was part of a police investigation. Done.

Stacy Knutson was given the $12,000. Cool. Of course, the IRS auditors read the paper, and Knutson is well-advised to get the advice of a tax specialist.  Tips are taxed; gifts below $13,000 are not. The $12,000 windfall is not enough to put Knutson in a high enough class to pay minimal to no taxes, kind of like Mitt Romney. (Romney wouldn't notice if somebody skimmed $12,000 from his accounts, but he pays a lower percentage of his income in taxes than people who are struggling to feed their children.)

But that is not what really gets me about this story. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for Knutson's windfall. What disgusts me is her insistence that the windfall is a result of her prayers. She and her husband are struggling to make ends meet and feed their five children. This, I understand. But to think that she now has some money is the result of praying to G-d and asking him for money is ludicrous. G-d is not Santa Claus.

The Republican party wants everybody to think this way. If we just pray enough, we won't get sick. If we pray enough, we won't need social services. We don't need to regulate industry or take care of the middle and working classes because those people just need to pray. If you pray, nothing bad will happen. If you pray, the Drug Lord will drop $12,000 of crime-tainted money in your lap.

Marvelous. What malarkey.



Monday, April 9, 2012

Political Reminders

The following was written by Barbara Phillippi for Seniors for a Democratic Society.

Phillippi's words are wise, and reading them makes me marvel at how we treat our elderly in this society. People spend thousands of dollars on make-up, hair coloring and even plastic surgery in a great quest to look younger than they are. Once they start to look old, they expect to be tossed aside as expired even though they are still breathing.

Some cultures revere the aged. They figure that if the elderly have been around for a long time, they have seen much, and may actually have learned something over the years. Perhaps if we listen to the words of our elders, we may manage to avoid making the same mistakes again and again and again...

Of course, Phillippi writes about things in most adult's living memories. She offers poignant reminders and her words keep the current political situation in context.

***

You didn't get mad when we spent over 800 billion (and counting) on said illegal war.

You didn't get mad when Bush borrowed more money from foreign sources than the previous 42 Presidents combined.

You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars in cash just disappeared in Iraq.

You didn't get mad when Bush embraced trade and outsourcing policies that shipped 6 million American jobs out of the country.

You didn't get mad when they didn't catch Bin Laden.

You didn't get mad when Bush rang up 10 trillion dollars in combined budget and current account deficits.

You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.

You didn't get mad when we let a major US city, New Orleans, drown.

You didn't get mad when we gave people who had more money than they could spend, the 1%, over a trillion dollars in tax breaks.

You didn't get mad with the worst 8 years of job creations in several decades.

You didn't get mad when over 200,000 US Citizens lost their lives because they had no health insurance.

You didn't get mad when lack of oversight and regulations from the Bush Administration caused US Citizens to lose 12 trillion dollars in investments, retirement, and home values in the Wall Street crash.

You finally got mad when a black man was elected President, and decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, job losses by the millions, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, and the worst economic disaster since 1929 are all okay with you, but helping fellow Americans who are sick... Oh, Hell No!

You're not going to take ME back, without a fight.


Friday, April 6, 2012

Happy Day

To all of my Jewish Peeps, Happy Passover! Passover begins tonight at sundown.


To all of my Christian Peeps, Happy Easter! Easter is this Sunday. 






And to everyone else, have a great weekend! You don't have to be religious to have a great weekend. :-D










Thursday, April 5, 2012

Funny Day


Thanks to "Live, Laugh, Breathe. Deeply o_O" on FaceBook. 

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Wonderful SPAM!

So, my new friend TurtleSub left a comment yesterday, but the blogger software put it straight into the spam comments and it never showed up. I believe blogger does this when there are links in the comment, but I am not sure. It happens rarely.

TurtleSub left another message saying he/she/it wasn't trying to spam, but this was before I even opened up my messages and saw the first comment. So, at first I responded with a short explanation in my own comments section. A little while later, I thought, "Meh. Not a big deal." I deleted and expected this to be the end of it.

I received another comment from TurtleSub: "Maybe you should lose the feed the fish thing too."

PHBLT. Passive-aggressive, much? Funny, but deleted. Didn't want to encourage an oppositional relationship.

Silly me.

The next one tickled my funny bone and made me smile, but TurtleSub, seriously, it was much too long and repititious to keep in the comments. Here it is in its entirety for all to see; everyone should scroll down to read below it because there are more funnies at the bottom:

"Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

I seen you 'round for a long long time
I really 'membered you when you drink my wine

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

I seen you walkin' down in Chinatown
I called you but you could not look around

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

I bring my money to the welfare line
I see you standing in it every time

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

The color of your skin don't matter to me
As long as we can live in harmony

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

I'd kinda like to be the President
so I can show you how your money's spent

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

Sometimes I don't speak too bright
but yet I know what I'm talking about

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

I know you're working for the CIA
they wouldn't have you in the Mafia

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends? "

I have the sneaking suspicion that this is not entirely original. If I have to pay royalties, I am billing TurtleSub.

Then, when the long comment disappeared, I received this new comment: "Im begining to feel like this is a one sided relationship." [sic]

That awkward moment when tea is sprayed all over the computer. In a good way.

If I had more of a mean streak, I'd keep deleting and waiting for more presents in my inbox. This person has a good sense of humor and is amusing me. But alas, TurtleSub, I'm actually a rather nice person. I got in touch with my inner bitch on the dining room floor, but I pretty much leave her there when I go home.

Peace. You can park your shell on my blog anytime. 

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Four Million Dollars

One of my children likes to watch "Shark Tank," the television show in which entrepreneurs make pitches to possible investors in the hopes of growing their companies. I enjoy watching it, as well. 

The other night, one of the sharks offered to purchase the entrepreneur's company outright for as much as four million dollars. The business owner, however, hesitated. I said, "Oh, come on, just take it!" 

My son: "No, Mom, it's like his baby. You wouldn't sell Under Cover Waitress for four million dollars, would you?" 

Are you kidding me? 

So, the business owner would have sold for five million and a perpetual sales commission. 

I, on the other hand, will gladly sell all rights to this blog, the forums, and the online store for a flat fee of four million dollars. You can keep all profits from sales; I will not require any commissions. 

Over time, you will recoup your costs of four million dollars and then start making a profit. If you live long enough. Hey, if Methuselah could do it, so can you! 

Do we have a deal?