UnderCover Waitress: Cookies Are Political

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Cookies Are Political

The theme of today's Let's Blog Off is "Cookies." Nice, wide-open topic, so I expect to read a wide variety of posts today, and I am looking forward to it. I even hope that some of my fellow bloggers post some great recipes... but, alas, that is not what I am going to do.

I first read on Ravelry in the Rubberneckers forum about a Washington Times opinion piece published in January. It is a poorly researched piece of right-wing drivel about boycotting girl scout cookies because the evil organization supports Planned Parenthood. And (according to the article) cross-dressing. 

This brings so many scenarios to mind. How would our nation's finest respond to a solicitation for Girl Scout cookies? 

Let's take a look at Rush Limbaugh as he answers a timid little knock at the door. 

Girl Scout: Excuse me, sir, would you like to buy some girl scout cookies? 

Rush: Why, you little, Planned Parenthood supporting slut!  I'll bet your mother is a whore and you are a little bastard. 

Girl Scout: What? I don't know. What's a whore? 

Rush: A whore is woman who has sex and gets pregnant because she won't pay for her own birth control pills. Then she kills the baby in the government's uterus. Girl Scouts are baby killers. 

Girl Scout: No, sir, I don't kill babies! (She begins to cry.) 

Rush: You kill babies if you are a Girl Scout. Look, just leave the caramel clusters around the back and make sure nobody sees you. 


Mitt Romney doesn't know if he supports Girl Scout cookies. He will decide after he is elected.


Newt Gingrich, on the other hand, is all for Girl Scout cookies. He thinks we should completely abolish child labor laws and make the children bake the cookies, as well. The organization should be limited to the funds that the little workers earn peddling the cookies on the street. I'll bet they can sell more cookies than the little match-stick girl sold match-sticks.


Pope John Rick Paul Santorum will allow the sale of Girl Scout cookies in his church-state empire. Like all secular organizations, however, the Girl Scouts will be taken over by the church and run by the Sisters of Perpetual Misery. All cookies will be cut in the shape of the cross, and a ten percent tithing from all cookie sales will go to the church.


And then there is Ron Paul. Remember him? He wants to be Mitt's Vice President. Ron Paul is fine with Girl Scouts selling cookies. And if they want to refuse to sell to blacks, gays, and Jews, he is just fine with that, as well.


The Girl Scouts are a great organization. 'Nuff said. Go buy some cookies.

Under Cover Waitress for President, 2012.
Under Cover 2012 Tee Shirt


  1. Gees... and all this time I thought it was just Girl Scouts selling cookies!

  2. And since Mrs. Obama would frown on sweets, President Obama would need to sneak to eat the Girl Scout Cookies ;) Actually I would bet she would allow one or two.

    1. Lol, Ginny, I bet she would allow one or two, as well. But only if he finished his vegetables...

  3. That about sums up the logic skills of Rushbo! Gotta love the syllogisms. Love how Rush does his If A then B; if B then C logic but commits all sorts of logical fallacies. To his audience he sounds really smart, but anyone with one quarter's worth of college freshman logic could tear the arguments apart. Fortunately for him, they is not his audience. Sure is a lot of stooopid cookies out there!

  4. I see I'm not the only one who thinks Santorum believes he's the Pope!


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