UnderCover Waitress: I Don't Need to Write Down Your Order

Monday, August 15, 2011

I Don't Need to Write Down Your Order

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Some journalist got paid to write an entire column about why she thinks I should write down her order. At least she admits she has anxiety issues, but please, don't take them out on me.

She gives five reasons why she thinks we don't write down her order. And I, of course, have five responses.

One: It's not cool to write things down.
Are you kidding me? The last thing on my mind while getting through a shift is looking cool for some diner. You know what is not cool? Wasting time writing things down to accommodate a diner's need for Xanax.

Two: There is a desire to bond.
No, there isn't. There is a desire to separate you from your money. I attempt to do this by giving efficient service. In some establishments, waiters and waitresses are encouraged to do this by touching you on the shoulder, squatting at the table and turning the dining room table into a writing desk. I am waiting for the day a waiter squats at my table and farts.

Three: There is no desire to bond.
Make up your mind.

Four: Control.
No, really, take a Xanax. I am not playing power games with you. I am taking your order so that I can offer you efficient service because that is how I make money. Competing with you over some "who is the bigger control freak" only angers you and causes you to leave me less money. In short, winning some contest that exists only in your brain doesn't pay my bills.

Five: Trying to seem more professional.
I'm not trying to seem professional; I am a professional. It is true that some high-end restaurants require wait staff to not write down orders, but that is not my game.

Not always necessary.
I don't write down orders because I don't need to. When I was a new hire, I wrote everything down. As the years go by, waitresses simply do not need to take the time to write everything down. We can even remember Ms. Leve's special needs order because we are reasonably intelligent people who pay attention to detail and are good at multi-tasking.

I remember a table of three. They each had a different glass of wine at the beginning of the evening. Later, during the meal, I offered them more. As the gentlemen accepted the offer, he started to state the types of wine. I gave him a look that stopped him. He said, "You know what we are drinking, don't you?" Of course I did. Got a great tip on that table, too.


  1. I have to admit, I need the waiter/waitress to at least APPEAR to write my order down. In reality they can be doing a crossword or doodling kittens riding horses, but I need them to act as if they are intently copying down my order.
    Maybe I too have anxiety issues but I can live with that!

  2. You are a cocky, smartsss idiot. I've never ONCE had a waitress get my party's order right after she FAILED to write down our orders. Not once. So, yes, it is necessary to write down the orders, Undercover Waitress. The journalist you bitchily refer to is correct. And you're a moron.

    1. Hey, those are just my good points! In addition, I am an excellent waitress.

    2. How do you know it was the waitresses fault? For all you know, she put it in the computer right and it was kitchen error. 9 times out of 10, the reason food is wrong in my restaurant is kitchen error.

      Name calling is so childish, grow up.

    3. Why do you feel the need to call her names when you are the pompous ass! I have been in the restaurant business for quite a while & I completly side with her! I can take a 10 top order in my head with no mistakes & make a hefty tip just because I was able to accomplish the job without writing anything down! You know you have a great waiter/waitress when they can remember your drink & food order with out have to use pen & paper!

  3. I also hev NEVER had the memory-types get my order right. Guess the author was born a genius. And we all have to take her word for her self praise.

    1. At least you are not trying to claim to be a genius. The word is spelled "have" not "hev."


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